Sunday, July 2, 2017

Murica

    Okay, I've used this before.  In fact, many "befores."  Sue me. 

     But, it always tickles me and, since it's Independence Day Weekend, I thought I'd use it yet again.

    NOTE:  Yes, yes, I know Independence Day* isn't until Tuesday and some people may actually have to go to work tomorrow, meaning that they didn't get to enjoy a long weekend.  I call these people "poor bastards."  

    But, I took a vacation day tomorrow and, combined with the fact that I have Fridays off in the summer, I have five straight days to...cut the grass, seed the lawn, vacuum the pool, clear some brush, wash the car, paint lawn furniture, and go to a baseball game. Which was rained out.


"Alright, lemme see if I got this right.  Washington gets ham and cheese with
lettuce and tomato on a kaiser, Jefferson ordered a turkey club with nothing but
dark meat...I heard that about you, Tom..., Adams wants liverwurst and onion
with spicy mustard...heads up...no one sits next to Adams, and Franklin...?
Says here you want fish and chips.  Fish and Chips!?
What the f...you do know why we're here, don't you, Ben?" 

    *I call it "Independence Day," rather than the 4th of July, because
And every month has 28 days!
You're welcome.

NOTE:  Comedy you don't have to pay for, folks.
EVERY other country has the 4th of July.  Oh, and I think it goes without saying that I'm talking about American Independence Day. A lot of other nations also celebrate independence, too, or have their own special day if they didn't actually gain their independence from anyone.   Way to go, England!

    Although....Independence Day commemorates when we dropped England like 3rd Grade Math.  Life can sometimes be ironic, no?

    For instance, I think yesterday was something called "Canada Day," where our friends to the North celebrate hockey, lumberjacks, Celine Dion, and the fact they don't have anyone called Trump running the show.  Not really sure of much more than that.  But, I can guarantee you it all went politely, eh?


"Excuse me, excuse me, how many Canadian hockey teams have won the Vince Lombardi Trophy?  It is a wonderful trophy, I might add...a beautiful testament to Italian-Americans everywhere, some of whom are my best friends, if I can be honest.  Oh, back to my question...NO Canadian teams have won that magnificent piece of hardware and not just just because that goes to football teams.  Hockey tries to win a cup from some poor sap who probably works for the New York Times called 'Stanley.'   Can you imagine...Stanley?  That's right.  I'm talking football, though, folks.  Football, which is what losers call a game which the important people call soccer.  Losers in Europe, proving they're not man...or woman, don't forget the women, I love women, all women... to strap on a helmet and slug it out to make sports great again.   Seriously, though, what is hockey?  Just some thing with guys called GUY ...which is pronounced GEE, HARD G, not SOFT G...hee...hee...hee...thank God, amirite?...can you imagine?...racing around with knives on their feet and wearing sweaters trying to whack a little piece of plastic, a very little piece, if I can be frank?  It's only something to watch between football season and baseball season, anyway.  So, I say, let Canada have hockey.  While they're at it, they could take Whoopi and Rosie off our hands, too.
CHINA!"


Epilogue:


"Huh, willya lookit this?
President Trump is in trouble for making a joke about erectile dysfunction."


22 comments:

  1. Sure sounds like Trump. I think he struck out long ago though, probably at ladies softball. Enjoy the yard work while the other poor sobs have to work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Like Biden, Trump's comedy gold.
      BTW, I LOVE Canada.

      Delete
  2. I thought he was making fun of people called Stanley.
    No work for me today! Oh wait, I have yard work to do. Damn.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even I had trouble following that. And I wrote it.
      Yard work, brother. It sucks.

      Delete
  3. I don't really doubt that we quickly went to say 4th of July, because Murica takes the lazy approach

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We've been saying it that way for as long as I can remember. It really doesn't frost my stones, but it does seem a little egotistical to me.

      Delete
  4. Yes, I imagine the best part of being Canadian is they don't have Trump.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And they have poutine. Which I just discovered this weekend. Which is AWEsome!

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  5. Awwwww...I'm a "poor bastard"? Haha, nah...I literally fix things and if no one else is at work, it means I get to put my feet up and get paid double for it. Followed by a four day weekend AFTERWARDS. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fun delayed is fun eventually realized.
      Bonus!

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. Never heard of it until Friday. Then, I noticed it was a suggested word for "Words With Friends" on Saturday.
      Mind blown.

      Delete
  7. Canadians are so nice. Maybe they'll let us borrow Justin Troudeau every now and then. Like when really important multi-nation conferences come up.

    Love,
    Janie

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  8. Well, sure, every other country has a 4th of July, too, but ours is filled with explosions. That has to count for something.

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  9. Well, if you want Canada Day posts, I can direct you to some Canadian bloggers.

    It's nice to have a long weekend, no matter what you do with it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And now I'm ready to go back to work.
      Kind of.

      Delete
  10. Could someone make a hockey puck in the shape of Trump's hand? A baboon could use it to finger its butthole.

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  11. Hey, We have 1 year of maternity leave instead of a lousy 6 weeks and health care! I can just see a dr, show my health card and voila! We invented the polio vaccine and basketball! We also love lacrosse..um..er...I went too far didn't I?

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  12. I hope you enjoyed your independence day. (Although with Donald at the helm I bet you still wish you were under British rule).

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