Monday, March 14, 2011

More Voodoo Doo Doo

Reminder: still no zombies...

  I’m also toying with the idea of writing a world history from the Age of the Caveman until the Era of Sheen (which is probably the same thing).
  Speaking of Charlie....

  Whenever I’m at a loss for something to write about, I can always count on Lindsay, Mel, and Charlie for a couple of cheap laughs.  Now be honest.  When you saw their pictures, you at least smiled a little, right?
  Oh, hell.  While we're at it, how' bout a little Cher and Elton? 

  Anyway, this “history special” will be a service to homeschoolers and the homeless alike.  I hope it will be a valuable resource for those who wish to bone (NOTE: rare example of a clean use of the verb ‘bone’) up on the intricacies of who we are, where we came from, and the voodoo that we do.
  One caveat, though.  I won’t be using any reference material and will rely solely on what I can remember.  So, since I last went to school when the president was falling down the stairs of Air Force One, I may have forgotten a thing or two.  It’s at that point I will make things up (i.e., the first french fries were made in Greece.  It's a bad joke.  Say it out loud.  You'll know what I mean).
  If your life depends on it, you may want to get your facts from a reputable source.  Like Wikapedia.  Or Sarah Palin’s Facebook page.
NOTE: Recycled picture
    Whenever I get a little tied down with down (hey, what goes on behind closed doors...), I’ll pop off a “Today’s Vocabulary” or my take on an old joke (“Dirty Penguin” being the most recent example). 
  The way I look at it, this does two things:  a) gives you a quick chuckle during your busy day and b) gives me a way to shill cheap laughs without a whole bunch of work.
  You’re welcome.
  Or, I’ll come at you with something completely randomLike where in the hell is my invitation to Prince William’s wedding?  I’ve already bought my powder-blue tux and tails.
  There’s a few areas I plan on addressing:  tightey-whiteys, 8 track players, mobile home swimming pools, hemorrhoid surgery, automobile pooping, and others bits of TMI.  I promise I will get to them.  I'm only one (admittedly little) man!
  I'll break excruciatingly long posts (like this one) into two or three parts.  I realize how busy you all are, so I don’t want to force feed you something that will take more than a couple minutes to scan (once again, like this one).  If nothing else, I can stretch out one topic to cover a couple of days (finally, just like this one).
  Sometimes I may even omit something like vowels jst t spd thngs lng. Hll, wh nds vwls, nywy?  (ok, grammar police, I know ‘y’ can be a vowel.  But, it can also be a consonant.  Sue me.).
  A lot of things and a lot of people make me laugh.  And not just the thought of Michael Moore at Jenny Craig.  This includes most of you.  You inspire me to plagiarize be all that I can be whenever I take pen to paper (or two fingers to keyboard).
  I’d rather not list who it is on Blogger who makes me cackle in the middle of the night, thus scaring both wife and dog.  Even though I have the best of intentions, I’m sure I’d forget one of you.  Then, you get all hacked off at me and fire off some snippy comments.  Comments sure to make me cry and forget to put on pee cream before bed (see? I told you the concept of pissy feet had legs-pun intended).
  Suffice to say that, if I follow your blog, you make me smile.  And, if I regularly comment on your blog, you often make me laugh out loud.  If I send you requests for money, I’m a Nigerian prince.
  To sum up (finally!)....You have a variety of blogs from which to choose.  I thank you for making “Penwasser Place” your choice of blogs.

  Next: A “Once Upon a Time” story...   


  1. Whats with Gibson's beard? Is he playing Bin Laden in his next film?

  2. Charlie Sheen, tightey-whiteys, pee cream & vowels - oh man! You made me dizzy! LOL

  3. This inspires me to......hmmmm.......well let's go with "keep coming back".

  4. Those three idiots are always great for laughs.

    Sorry my blog keeps you awake at night. Shall I tone it down a little? lol

  5. i'm so glad i found you your highness, i knew you were real! and people were telling me i'd been scammed. ha. suckers.

  6. I'm waiting not so patiently for your hemorroid updates and auto turd reports. You know how to brighten up a day with a post full of laughs, and you're a master in your use of dry humor. You're always a pleasure to follow.

  7. @Tony: I think he thought it was a disguise.
    @Kara: Now imagine Charlie Sheen wearing tightey-whiteys lathering his feet with pee cream while at the same time being totally unable to sing "Old MacDonald Had a Farm." Winning!
    @Core: It's like a dripping faucet. You have to keep checking it out.
    @Oilfield: yeah, like I said, they're always good when I want to get a cheap laugh. Never tone it down. I can sleep when I'm dead!
    @manders: no, the scams come from my cousin in the Middle East. Ahmed Al Pen Wassur.
    @Clipped: I remember, as I was being wheeled into the operating room: "I think this will make a funny story one day." Any tale of the butt usually can crack (no pun intended) people up.

  8. Al- how do you do this? How do you create this art out of nothing? Admittedly, you have Charlie, Lindsey and Mel and the Sarah Palin reference is always good for a chuckle... but the rest of this stuff is all "AL". I could read this ten times over and find something new to laugh about. I'm so glad I found you and your humor. Yes- I needed that!!!

  9. Your comments are like an encore. "Al Pen". Clever.

  10. Yes, I always knew my prince would come someday. What I didn't know was how much banking information he'd need.

  11. I won't even ask which two fingers you take to the keyboard. Thanks for your silliness. This blog world wouldn't be the same without you.

  12. i like that you're heavy on the commenting. sure beats those who read faithfully, but never say a word. peepers, they are.

  13. You're right. That was a very long post! But, I had to read it, for fear I might miss something! Now that I've finished, I guess I wouldn't have. Just kidding. I keep coming back, don't I?

  14. Al, you're right - there are lots of blogs out there and I like your thinking - follow and comment on the one's that make you laugh.

    That's why I'm here - you make me laugh!

    And...thanks for coming by and adding your very valuable "two cents" over at my blog - your comments are always appreciated!

    Hugs, Jenny

  15. The Prince will be here on Sunday. You want I should ask him where your invite is Al?

  16. @PAMO: Put verbal poo in one hand and a touch of whimsy in the other. Smack 'em together. Voila! Comedy. Or Oprah.
    @Antares: I'm just glad I didn't mention my other cousin who's royalty in Africa. Now that I mention it, I need to get a check in the mail to him. Or I can just give him my account number. Apparently, there's money involved.
    @tatty: You too can strike it rich. I can't believe all the unfound money that's laying over there like so many coconuts (hmm, are there coconuts in Nigeria?).
    @Robyn: Not the ones I pick my nose with. Hold on, let me check. Nope.
    @Sherilin: Peepers, creepers! I really enjoy reading everyone's blogs so it's not an effort to comment. Plus, the people who get the first comments are the ones who comment on mine. As a matter of fact, I will check each of you as soon as I'm done here. Then, if I have time, I'll check others. But, it really is fun.
    @Eva: Try as I might, I can't write very short blogs, which is why I split them up. In fact, the next blog will be a three-parter. I never had a problem in school when the teacher had us write a 500 word essay. My only problem was cutting it down to 500 words. So, I can be a tab verbose (like here!). But, I appreciate everyone's patience.
    @Jenny: I enjoy reading your "stuff." I read, therefore I comment.
    @littlesprite: Will you? How cool would that be? Ohhhhh, you did mean Prince William, didn't you? I hope you didn't mean the Singer Formerly Known As Prince.