I've decided the time has finally come to shutter Penwasser Place for good. I fully acknowledge that I've put you all through a "is he going, is he staying?" schizophrenia for the past month or so and I apologize for that. But I just can't do this anymore.
If you're still here, let me explain (if you want to put yourself through it).
As most of you probably know, I experienced a significant personal event toward the end of the summer. What took me by surprise was how much it would impact me. Now, as you also know, I tend to be somewhat off my rocker, but these flights of insanity were always good-natured. My silliness tended toward a "Geez, it could be worse. I could be Penwasser" kind of motivation.
But, as the year wound down, things became a little darker in my world. I made decisions which affected, and deeply hurt, good people whose only crime was letting me come into their lives, either in the past few months or over thirty years ago. I was called "very very mean and cruel." Now, I'm not sure about the "mean" part (that could be true...maybe? I hope not), but "cruel"? Perhaps...possibly my actions, however well-intentioned, actually resulted in accidental cruelty.
I can't express to you enough how much that thought bothers me. The guilt I have I'll carry till the day I die. I never thought I'd be haunted by my actions, but there you are.
In essence, given the depths in which I find myself, I don't think I can maintain this blog anymore. Oh sure (like before), I'll still pop up on Facebook. That pretty much gives me an outlet for quick snippets of whatever pops into my empty skull. Likewise, I'll continue to work on my next book. Far be it from me to deny millions the chance to ignore another one of my hideous pieces of dreck.
But, Blogger, by its nature, requires a pretty consistent happy face and that I cannot do.
I will be back eventually, but
Place will not. When that happens, I'll have a new blog from
which I'll seek you out. I'm sure it
will also be silly (can't change my nature, after all), but I need to try to
clear my head a bit.
I've turned off comments for this "Pity Party" because I'm not looking for any. Merely, I just wanted to let you know what was what before you go looking here and see that it's been deleted without so much as an explanation. I won't turn things off for a few days to give stragglers a chance to read my farewell before I ride off into the literary sunset.
Goodbye, my friends. We'll see each other again.